The empty nest blues

   Ah, the empty nest blues...

 

   I heard about them, but I never knew they would hit me like they have. If you're like me, you're currently dealing with seeing the last of your children leave the nest or prepping to leave the nest. The thought terrified me for years because I was lucky enough that I considered my daughters my built-in best friends. We did everything together, and then suddenly, that was over. They were gone. The nest was empty ... and I was heartbroken.

 

   My daughters, Mia and Kaylie, are 22 and 18 years old. Kaylie moved out of the house over a month ago. My oldest, Mia, has been gone for over four years, leaving immediately after high school to start her collegiate aspirations over 13 hours away in Colorado.

 

   That one broke me. I thought my heart could not hurt any worse than it did when my oldest, my firstborn, moved out of the house. Boy, was I wrong. The years flew by, and suddenly Kaylie was a senior. I thought to myself, "Okay, Laura, you've got this. Cherish every moment."

 

   That was extremely hard to do as, for some reason, Kaylie's senior year seemed a lot busier than Mia's did. The days flew by and suddenly my husband and I were loading a U-Haul bound for, thankfully, only a few hours away. Kaylie will start school mid-August working towards her degree.

 

   I'm not going to lie. I joked about the fun my husband and I would have when she left. We laughed about all the money we would save and all the time we would have on our hands not constantly going from one sporting event to the other. Then, in the blink of an eye, it was over.

 

   The first week was horrid. I wandered the house not knowing what to do with myself. My morning routine of prepping lunches with Kaylie, talking about plans for the day was over. My evening routine of gathering laundry, dishes, and cleaning up the house was over. After all, there were only two people living here now. I even found myself wandering downstairs and sleeping in Kaylie's bed. I'll admit ... I cried myself to sleep several nights. I thought, "Okay, this is it -- the empty nest blues. Man this is rough."

 

   I didn't know what to do with my time, my thoughts and my emotions.

 

   I had heard something before Kaylie moved out and it really hit me - nothing prepares you for raising the one thing your heart cannot live without to live without you. It's so true, and it's so painful. We, as parents, spend our lives devoting ourselves to our children --making sure they have the best of us and are better than us in every way. When that journey is over it's easy to be sad, but we should also be happy.

   We did it. We raised competent, caring, smart human beings. We can confidently send them out into the world knowing they don't need us. We gave them the tools. A good friend told me something that has shifted my perspective from empty nest blues to anticipated reunions. She said you spent your life always on the go for the girls, always making sure they had everything they needed to do the things, whether it was school, work or sports. Always being there, but not having much time to enjoy the time together. Now it's your time with no agenda. 

 

   That really struck a chord with me. The time we now get to spend together is just that .... time together. No practices, no games, no tournaments, no homework sessions ... just togetherness. A time where we can truly just enjoy each other's company and relish in every second of it.

 

   I do miss my children and our old routines, but I also look forward to the days whenever we get together. It's a whole different kind of pride and love to see them growing into adults, to see them conquering life on their terms.

 

   So to my fellow empty nest moms, it's okay to be sad, but I really believe I'm entering some of the best years of my life. 

 

Laura Wagner is a regular contributing writer for the Howell County News. She has worked for the West Plains Daily Quill and Mountain View Standard News for a combined total of 15 years. She has covered everything from sports, crime, news features, city council, and school board meetings. Through her career as a writer, Laura has received several accolades for her opinion pieces and news features.

 

Wagner lives in Mountain View with her husband, Nathan. The couple has two daughters, Mia and Kaylie. Both girls graduated from Liberty High School and were very active in soccer and volleyball. Together, the Wagners help run the Mountain View Soccer Association and the Howell County Futbol Club.